Updated: Feb 24
The last couple of days into every deployment play the same. t's like we try and shove a lifetime into our last couple of days of Glenn being home. It reminds me of the Tim McGraw song, Live Like You are Dying. And I know I probably shouldn't think this way but…
When last night our 8-year-old son comes down in tears and articulates his fears.
What happens if daddy doesn't come back?
And as Glenn tucks Aila in tonight and they have an extra-long snuggle the thought rings in my mind too… what would I do if this was their last one?
Whether you or your spouse are emergency responders, you are a work-away family, or military… no one knows when their time is up. We truly believe that Glenn getting out of policing and living his bucket list added years to his life. If Glenn had been full-time amongst all the police-hate, change of culture, new Chief and hold-backs in police pension? I'm pretty sure the eggshells on our floor would be thicker and the ability to be present, that we have discovered these past 2 years, wouldn't exist. Taking this leap of faith has made us a stronger family.
And for the most part, we live in that faith. We operate in gratitude and truly believe that the Universe has our backs. And when we question ourselves, "Is this all worth it?" We revisit our why. Our vision. There's a lot of people right now who are being given tough circumstances and choices .. we all have our sacrifices, our pains. But do you have the rope that pulls you out?
THE ROPES THAT PULL US OUT
What I have always loved about our vision is that during deployment times we really spend a lot of time manifesting it bigger, more real. We reflect on where we have been and we dream again about where we are going.
This time it was about our move.
We have always known our house isn't our forever home and we long to live within the trees, have a creek close by and traffic, neighbours that get drowned out by stars. We looked at properties, went on showings and touched the soil of places we know are in our future. One of our ropes is an adventurous life… the dreams we have of far off places and a ranch to tuck away in.
Just because you have a vision though and spend time being grateful… it doesn't prevent obstacles from happening. The cold bug, not Covid, ran through our house when Glenn first came home. Knowing I had to keep myself healthy for surgery we slept in separate beds. As if 10,000km wasn't far enough… to know we are 20 feet apart but can't cuddle? Come on!!
And then I got sick! I can tell you that there is a difference between a man-cold and a momma who has been waiting 18 months for surgery. To get healthy quick, we kept our distance some more. The surgery was a success and we are all so thankful that Glenn was home when it happened.
OBSTACLES CAN BE BLESSINGS
The blessing of the obstacles? Glenn is an amazing dad. And this deployment became about family connection. Meaning that he really stepped up and was so present with the kids in every aspect. Their school, their activities, and Lego wars and breakfasts, second breakfasts and more. Each kid had plenty of time to spend with just daddy. And it happened at a critical time for Gerry. How lucky was that?
Another rope for us that pulls us through is our communication. We talk about all kinds of feelings, fears, goals and are vulnerable with each other… home is our safe zone.
As we helped daddy pack yesterday morning at 5 am, you could hear giggles and excitement and love. Day one becomes one day when daddy's back home and we bravely walk through an almost empty airport to kiss him good-bye. It's the one time Glenn's 100% ok with PDA and once he turns the corner in security and we can no longer yell "I love yous", both my kids look at me and say "Everything is going to be ok mom, this will go fast". And for the first time, my little girl makes it to the truck without crying and I know in my heart we are living life to the fullest and doing something right.